Shipwrecked - Chapter 153: Guilt by Association (Mf oral swallow)

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Chapter 153: Guilt by Association

I kept Nina company overnight after helping her to bed. Her crying slowed after she rode the rollercoaster back up to a relatively higher point. I slept fitfully but each time I woke, Nina appeared to be soundly asleep. I rose some hours well before dawn and walked down to see who was awake on watch.

Kate was looking sleepy, but she was alert enough to hear me approach several meters from the outpost. I cast her a weary smile and she stepped out and met me on the sand.

“Hey,” she said, “bit early even for you.”

“Yeah. Worrying about Nina and Hakee.” I filled Kate in on what I'd learned and what Nina and I had been through a few hours earlier.

“Damn,” Kate sighed, “poor Nina.”

“Yeah. Listen,” I said, “I'm up for the night. If you'll give me a few minutes to make some coffee, I'd gladly take your watch until morning if you'll go keep Nina company.”

“I admit I am drooping a bit. Sounds good.”

- - -

I didn't bother waking Ekoh for the final shift. The coffee and my anxiety were enough to keep me mobile, wandering up and down the beach in the warm night, the moderate wind warmer still. I really tried not to dwell on what I couldn't change. Hakee was justified, though I certainly didn't think Nina had done anything too far outside of allowable. It was more the timing of the thing. New people, new challenges, Hakee's new role. She had to be under a lot of pressure, and her stress level was already high. Throw on top of that the news that your one strong, emotionally-bonded lover had fallen for someone else.

It made me think about all the conversations I'd had over the years on Phoenix. Specifically, those involving polyamory, jealousy, and compersion. Sometimes it was easy to think you could deal with situations like those Hakee and Nina and Kinnon were in together by assigning labels and being conscious of the emotions involved. As if simply being aware of the potential issues was enough to bring solace and comfort.

It didn't work that way, of course. One could rarely use logic and reason to overcome emotional reactions. Hakee was justified in feeling hurt. Nina was justified in falling in love with Kinnon. Kinnon was equally justified in loving Nina. None of that made the math simple when honest emotional responses overpowered everything else.

Humans are possessive by nature, at least most of us. Our ancestors who held such a me-first view of things survived and reproduced better than those who did not, so it seemed. Perhaps some of that is recent and cultural. Perhaps some of that was millions of years of genetic differential survival, but what was passed down to Hakee and Nina and Kinnon, and all of us, really, included a heavy dose of possessiveness.

A good part of it was due to the risk of loss. Hakee loved Nina and the idea that that close, intimate connection might in any way diminish was frightening to her. I knew from my own polyamorous experiences that some of us are able to give our full emotional strength to all our partners, even when there are several. That didn't mean that it was simply a matter of accepting such things. I suppose Hakee had always carved out an exception, in terms of her feelings for Nina, for Kate and me due to the past triad relationship we'd held, but in our new lives on Phoenix, Hakee had been a very special part of Nina's life, and it must seem to the newly-turned nineteen-year old that the one person she'd come to call her own, even with the asterisks, had needs the teen couldn't meet.

It feels that way, sometimes. Often, actually. Why would a close, intimate partner need someone else? Isn't that a way of saying the current partner isn't good enough? Isn't able to give what is needed? Is somehow less than the single soulmate Hakee had thought of herself as for Nina? Those are natural reactions, unbidden and unavoidable, and the way someone in Hakee's situation reacts is to internalize the other partner's desire for someone else as a statement about unfulfilled desires, unmet needs, and could be viewed as a belief that the 'old partner' was not good enough.

And the ways I've talked to the others about polyamory stood out in my mind, heavy with implications. I'd often sold such relationships as wonderful, joyful, better than monogamy. Well, not necessarily better, but my preference for them personally was always made clear. Even in recent conversations with Kinnon, I'd spelled out the positives while, perhaps, downplaying the difficulties. I felt guilty about that now. All three of the women were hurting. None had meant to cause harm, and each had acted as they felt best, yet, despite the many wonderful parts of polyamory I'd mentioned, it was never quite as easy any of us wished it to be.

It came down to communication, as always. Everything was about communication. Without that, polyamory would be nearly impossible. Discussions of expectations, possibilities, and avoidances had to be taken up before moving into something new or different.

And, despite the relatively small size of Phoenix and the relatively few of us on the island, communication was not always easy. We had two camps, only a couple of hours trek apart, but far enough to often make unavailable those intimate, one-on-one, in-person conversations which were needed. We had the radios, sure, but those were not for personal use, in general, anyway. Plus, how does one discuss the full weight of a new love with your other love without being in the same place, able to read facial expressions, capable of seeing tears falling. It's not the sort of thing you can easily discuss 'on the phone,' and thus, Nina's relationship with Kinnon rose quickly within a few days time. Within the dirth of dialog with Hakee as the teen stayed North.

So what was to happen next? I really didn't know. I hoped Hakee and Kinnon would have a chance to talk and get to know each other, that Hakee's pride would allow her to consider why it was that Nina and Kinnon had drawn together. More importantly, I hoped Hakee's love for Nina would overcome her feelings of betrayal. That she would see that she was more than good enough. That Hakee was not being replaced in Nina's life.

Ekoh had stirred and joined me down to the West. "You're less attractive than you were when the night started, Kate," the man said to me with a smile, "and you've lost those fabulous boobs."

I managed a small chuckle but said nothing more.

"Troubles, Kal?"

"Nothing to worry about, Ekoh," I told him. "Personal issues for some of those I love."

"Ah. Young Hakee and Nina, I take it." Ekoh stared off into the darkness, the spare starlight overhead mostly obscured by cloud cover. "Kinnon should not have taken Nina to bed."

I turned and started to say something bitter, but I held back. I knew Ekoh meant well, and his perspective on relationships was not my own. "It's not so simple as to blame anyone. Kinnon and Nina chose to pursue their relationship together. Neither meant to harm anyone. If anyone is to blame, perhaps it is me."

I couldn't see Ekoh's face in the darkness, but I imagined he held a raised eyebrow when he asked, "And why do you blame yourself?"

"I've oversold this idea, Ekoh. The idea of polyamory as a panacea. As something worthy of small hiccups. I talked to Kinnon about it before she and Nina took to a bed together. I encouraged it. I think I assured her that it would be fine. And I've done the same with others when talking about polyamory. Without my influence, –"

"Without your influence," Ekoh interrupted, "two women who are attracted to each other would still have found themselves in bed together."

"Perhaps," I replied, "but maybe they'd have taken their time. Maybe Hakee would have had a chance to consider and offer her thoughts first."

"You can't know that, Kal."

"No, but right now, I'm feeling like I, at minimum, laid the groundwork for my friends in this situation."

"Do you believe what you said," the older man asked calmly. "Do you believe polyamory is worth the negatives?"

"Yes," I offered without much need to consider the question. "I believe it makes me stronger, and in my experiences, makes stronger those willing to give it a try."

"Then let these people find this out for themselves."

"Nina already believes as I do," I replied.

Ekoh put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Yes, but Kinnon does not, I think. And Hakee is, what, twenty?"

"Nineteen, just a few days back."

"Nineteen," Ekoh echoed my words. "She has far to go to learn these lessons. I do not know the young woman, but in her situation, I would feel hurt, as well, even if I believed as you do about polyamory. She should have been brought in as soon as Nina and Kinnon thought this might go beyond sharing a bed."

"I know that, Ekoh," I bit back. The restless night had given my thoughts a bitter edge, "But it didn't happen and sometimes it is too easy to go from fuck buddies to emotional bonding. No one expected it, I think. By the time Nina knew what was happening, it was too far."

"And so," Ekoh responded, "they are doing the best they can given where things are, yes?"

I nodded, ignoring that the darkness hid my response.

Ekoh continued as if he'd seen my movement. "Kinnon has gone North. This is the best thing, I think."

"I hope so. At minimum, Hakee will know that Kinnon and Nina are not continuing their relationship while Hakee is distant. That's good, I suppose."

Ekoh was quiet a moment. "This small island can be quite large sometimes, eh?"

"Amazingly so, yes."

Ekoh dropped his hand from my shoulder. "You take on a lot here, Kal. I see it already. More than just the needs of food and water and shelter. You take on all the emotional weight of those around you. I think more highly of you than ever as a result, but," he said, leaning closer, "this is a way which causes you to be less capable as a leader. Care about people, yes, but each special, personal burden of each individual on the island, you can't carry all that. You just can't."

"It's not simply a matter of 'every individual'," I replied, "I love Nina and Hakee. I care deeply for them, for how they feel. I can't not try to figure out how I can help. How I can make them less sad. How to not make mistakes which hurt them. I'd do anything for those on this island, Ekoh, including you and Kinnon and the other newcomers, but relationships with those previously here on Phoenix are stronger still. I can't just turn off the way my heart breaks, the way my guilt rises to the top, when something like this is going on. It's not something I can separate from my other responsibilities. It's core to who I am."

Ekoh said nothing a while, the sounds of his bare feet shuffling on sand barely audible above the churning, splashing surf. Then he said, "I can see why you are able to have so many lovers, Kal. You feel each relationship deeply and beat yourself up over the smallest missteps. You care enough to be angry when you don't do things perfectly. I just want to ensure you understand how this can lead to a burn out, to, umm, breaking down. You only have so much emotional energy, no matter how much you tell yourself you can extend it to everyone equally. Make sure you are aware of how full your tank is, my friend. I don't pretend to know what you should do, nor do I think you have taken on anything you can't handle. Just an observation I thought you should hear."

I said nothing, stewing a bit over Ekoh stepping into a personal situation and then questioning my reaction. I felt a bit defensive, though the rational part of my mind saw the truth in his words.

But it changed not a thing. I couldn't simply not feel the way I felt. I hurt for my friends, for my loves.

Still, I acknowledged, silently, that perhaps I needed to, at least, consider how to react, how to engage with my emotions and those of others. One of the major positives in polyamory is the ability for multiple people to share emotional energy. When one is down, more than one can step in with support. Tanks can be refilled. I was, perhaps, the most fortunate of all those in such relationships, certainly so on Phoenix. I could count on several emotional partners to help me when I needed support. Bailey, Keekah, Amy, Kate, even Nina and Hakee. Each of them would be there for me when able.

Of course, at that moment, Nina and Hakee needed my support more than I needed theirs, and I wasn't about to burden Keekah and Amy with so much of their emotional burdens centered around being new mothers.

But I still had my rocks. Bailey and Kate had, beyond any doubt, never failed to be the support I needed. I felt a little silly, really. Selfish. It was Nina, Hakee, and Kinnon who were truly suffering, and I'm the one looking for support? I suppose it was just the weight of everything: The stress of the newcomers and the changes they will bring, the coming hot months where every task was made much more wearisome, the horrible potential consequences of crop failures and war, and the countless fears I held close about raising my young children in a world with such risks, such dangers. Such heartbreaking moments.

And yet, just before dawn, I found Bailey already up and making coffee and I felt a bit better just seeing her smile. Ekoh excused himself to find sleep, and I walked up to my young wife and wrapped my arms around her from behind, her naked flesh warm and slightly sweaty in the muggy hours before yet another late-Spring storm. "I love you so much, Bailey."

"Mmm," she purred, holding my arms around her breasts, "I love you, too, Kal." She seemed to read my tone of voice. "You okay?"

I told her my thoughts, mostly in a rambling mix of doubts and possibilities, then added "I don't know what I can do for them. I hurt for them."

"You've done what you can, Kal. Right now, we can only be there for Nina and give her what support we can. Hakee is hurting, yes, as is Kinnon, but they are strong. They will work this out. You'll see."

I almost voiced my doubts, but instead, I replied, "Having you in my life, Bailey, is something I hope you realize means everything to me. You're my rock, you know. When I need someone, someone to hold me up when I'm about to fall, you're always there for me. Thank you, and I love you so much..."

"Aww," Bailey said, turning and kissing me deeply. "Believe me, Kal, it works both ways. You've never failed to pick me up when I needed it. You give me the strength when I have but weakness. You offer me the shoulder to cry on when I'm despondent. You'll always be the most special love in my life, no matter how many others I let in. Well," she amended her statement, "you and Katie, of course."

I smiled and kissed her neck. "Where is she, anyway?"

"Curled up with Kate."

"Good. Kate was really tired when I relieved her a couple of hours ago."

"Lot of that going around," Bailey replied.

I let out a breath and tried to push worries about Nina, Hakee, and Kinnon fall back for a while. "Speaking of tired, how's that coffee coming?"

- - -

Nina was around the fire before most of the others, but wasn't really in a mood to talk, so I hugged and kissed her, told her I loved her, and let her decide how much she wanted to deal with things that morning. Bailey generally kept by her side whenever possible during breakfast, and I saw Nina smile a time or two as Katie came rushing out of shelters, Kate just behind her, attempting to run more than a few steps without falling over.

Manu was back in camp and came out from a quick check up on Amy. "She's recovered well, it seems," she told me. "Ready to start feeding Azure again."

"That's good news."

"How are you holding up?" Manu asked, "I've heard that you've not been sleeping well."

I shrugged. "I'm fine. Some stressful days right now, that's all."

"Well, see that you start getting some good nights of rest, Kal. I can give you something to help if you would like."

"I'd prefer not to take pills to sleep. I need to be able to rouse quickly and not be loopy."

Manu nodded. "Understood. But you need to sleep. And not just some nights."

"I'll do my best."

Manu changed the subject. "My daughter may not take to Kinnon's presence well."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She is proud, you know. Hakee will dig in. She's already upset. Kinnon going North will not help things."

"I hope you're wrong, Manu. It's vital right now that Nina and Kinnon have some separation so that Hakee is allowed time to think things through. If the two of them stayed South together, Hakee would know they were together while she was alone. I think that's worse, honestly. At least with Kinnon North, Hakee can be sure that Nina is not in her bed."

"True. I hadn't considered that," Manu told me, "perhaps you are right. Still, don't expect this all to be worked out quickly. Hakee will not let go this matter easily."

"I think Nina should go North in a day or two and talk to her again. They don't want this to go on too long without communicating. The damage is done, but it can't be repaired if they aren't talking."

"I agree," said Manu, "but that will leave us here very short."

"I'll have her send someone back in her place. Perhaps two hands if Gale can spare it. We really need to get the rest of these new projects completed before the full Summer heat gets here."

Manu nodded. "The fields are progressing well, as is the new planting. I suspect Gale could send a couple back to replace Nina. Where do you want me today, by the way?"

"Help Kate with the new gardens going in around the new blueberry bushes to the West." We'd gotten the bushes the previous Winter from the Uhonamonans, but they had yet to fruit or flower. They seemed healthy enough, so we hoped it was just a matter of time before they produced.

"I can do that," she assured me. "Mie's feeling good today, by the way. Don't have her doing too much hard labor, and let her take a break during the middle day, but otherwise, she just needs to stay hydrated and eat plenty."

I nodded. "I'll see that she does. I'll have her and Poln down at the shore bringing in fish and crabs."

"Perfect."

- - -

And so, like so many other days on Phoenix, we worked despite all the emotional concerns hovering around us. It's what we did. What we had to do to make each day a step forward. We fished and crabbed. We mended and repaired. We planted and picked and planned.

Nina, Bailey, and I worked on the more specific task of upgrading our water storage system. It was a great deal of work to dig out the footprint needed and then to work through how to make the mechanisms fit perfectly. We wanted a way to easily isolate individual reservoirs in case one became tainted. It needed to continue to support the rudimentary plumbing we'd installed. We also wanted to take the overflow and redirect it to be a more efficient means of making water available in the ever-growing garden plots around the camp.

We broke only to hydrate and to eat a quick lunch of banana-fruits and dried fish, the heat of the day already too much to bother with a cookfire and a hot meal. Nina wasn't terribly interested in talking, staying mostly silent but focused on the work in front of us. It would probably take another four or five days to finish the project, but I didn't want Nina to wait that long to go talk to Hakee again.

When we took a short water break in the early afternoon, Kate disappeared to pee, and I decided it was time to talk to Nina. "I've had a thought, if you're open to listening," I said carefully.

Nina's eyes were bloodshot and tired, but she looked at me anyway. "Always..."

"I think you and Hakee need to not have this separation right now. You've given her a couple of days now, and while none of you is past this, waiting much longer to pick up the conversation again is going to make it harder to talk about. I think you should go North tomorrow and take the time to try to talk to her."

Nina was quiet, drinking warm water from a flask, soon wiping the sweat from her brow and from where it ran in rivulets down her lovely tanned breasts. "I'm afraid she'll tell me it's over." Her voice was more steady than I would have expected.

I didn't want to offer too much hope when what she said was a possibility. "Still... you must talk about it. Silence right now only fosters more doubts. She needs to know how you feel, and you need to listen to her tell you the same."

Nina nodded. "I know, Kal... I know..."

"Sorry you're hurting, my love. I wish there was something I could do."

She gave me a weak smile. "You love me. That's good enough right now. I'll be okay, Kal. This just sucks. I miss them both so much, but I really don't want to lose Hakee... I wish I hadn't fallen for Kinnon..."

"Too late for that now. You did. Hakee feels hurt. She thinks she'll lose you... or lose what was so special about the two of you. The best you can do is assure her that isn't so. And give her time. She loves you and she knows you love her. I think she'll see that before this is over."

"I hope so..."

"So go in the morning. Send back Popko and, if Gale can spare it, one other. I've some things here which could use extra attention, including finishing this water system."

"I will. Thanks, Kal. You have always been so good to me. Even when things have... changed, between us, you never stopped caring about me like you did before."

"I'll always love you, Nina. Nothing will change that."

"I know," she smiled, more warmly this time.

- - -

"Still doing alright?" I asked Mie as I squatted down beside her near the surf to see how the fishing was going. They already had a dozen of the silverbacks as well as multiple fat crabs held in the buckets beside them. Poln was wading out to the East a bit, collecting shellfish. Karana was curled up a few feet farther ashore, partially on her back, the dog's tongue half-out of her mouth, feet kicking randomly.

The thirteen-year old looked better, for sure, the sparkle in her eyes back in force. "Yes, thanks. I feel fine." Mie had been growing up a lot physically in the last few months. Taller, broader hips and shoulders, more form to her breasts and cheekbones and thighs. She was becoming a very beautiful young woman. She had her long, wavy black hair pulled into twin braids which were tightly wound and hanging most of the way down her back. Her nipples were still a bit puffy, but as her breasts grew, Mie's areolae had spread and darkened a bit, the tips now drawn tight most of the time. It was in moments like that I had to wonder how I, or anyone, ever got anything done.

Ignoring my half-hard penis, I checked on her progress with the education schedule Amy had laid out for her. She was learning advanced math and history at the moment, and some of that had, by necessity, been self-directed during Amy's pregnancy and recent illness. Satisfied that Mie and Poln were doing the assignments, I let her know that Amy should be back to the personal lessons again the next day or so. Mie was excited to hear that her classes would begin again soon. She rather enjoyed learning with Amy.

I hugged and kissed her, talked to Poln briefly, then headed in to check on the young mothers. Amy was napping with Azure at her side. Keekah was sitting outside the common shelter with Harry and Hermione sleeping against her chest. I sat down and offered the young mother a drink of water, which she accepted and sipped from while we talked. "Doing okay, Keekah?"

She gave me a broad grin. "Okay, yes, Kowl. Happy with these two."

I stroked Harry's thin hair a moment, then kissed Keekah's cheek. "You are such a good mom."

"I try. Not easy, some days. I try."

"Nice to have others around, isn't it? Even if just to give you a chance to pee."

Keekah nodded. "I no imagine how would be without, yes."

"Speaking of, need anything? Hungry? Need to pee?"

"Yes, hungry and need pee."

I reached for the babies and Keekah handed them to me one at a time. I cradled one on each shoulder. They continued to sleep. Keekah rushed off to the East and I slowly rocked the twins, humming softly to them.

Harry and Hermione were so small. Amazingly small. Maybe it was just that I was used to Katie. Or even Azure, who was larger when born and slightly older. The twins were small at birth and felt so light and delicate when I held them. I still couldn't believe I was a father of anyone, let alone three little ones. Most of the time, I felt guilty for spending so little time with them, with so many responsibilities in my lap that I often had only a short moment or two each day to play with Katie or hold the twins. I had to remind myself that I worked as hard as I did to ensure each of them had something better than the day before, a community, a safe place, an Eden where they would struggle less as they grew older.

My father was an absentee dad who died in his fifties from a combination of alcohol, fried food, and stress. Earlier in my life, I wondered why he did so little to spend time with me, why he was regularly busy working long hours, sometimes away for a week or more on business trips. Only after becoming a father did I begin to understand, and holding my twins against me as they slept, I wondered if my own dad had held such conflicting emotions, the same guilt that I felt for spending less time with his child than he would have liked in order to provide something more than mere survival for his family.

And I knew Keekah and Bailey understood. It wasn't too hard to see why there might have been a fairly common division of labor in early humans. There was a physical capability which women possessed, namely being able to feed infants, that men could not replicate. That's not to say women didn't contribute or couldn't still perform work. They certainly could, and I'd seen it play out on Phoenix. But it is hard to be hyper-vigilant and attentive to little ones while also traveling long distances, performing hours of manual labor, or using precious energy to provide more nutrition. It made sense for me to take on more of those tasks so that Keekah and Bailey could continue to focus their energy on our children. It came naturally to them, to be attentive mothers, and we were very fortunate we had built so much on our island to allow them the chance to slowly adapt to the role and to concentrate on the safety and wellbeing of the little ones.

That's not to leave Amy out of things, of course. Just because Azure wasn't mine didn't mean I didn't feel similar thoughts about the little child or her mother. But, I had to admit, there was some difference there. Something in how I thought about Azure, at least. It wasn't consciously done, not something I could necessarily put a finger on and describe. But Azure was not my child, and some combination of culture and genetics left me feeling slightly different about her. Not in a way which made me think less of her or would cause me to treat Azure differently. I'm not sure I can describe what was different, but it was noted. I felt guilty about that, too.

I was feeling guilty a lot lately, it seemed, though not without reason. Even when Keekah returned after a few minutes, I felt guilty for not staying longer to talk to her, to hold the twins, to just be a dad and a husband. But there was work to do, more than we had time for, and I had to keep pushing things forward.

- - -

Nina left the next morning, wearing some of our newly-mended clothing and carrying a sack of supplies for those North, mostly the scheduled rations of hard candies and dried meat from the pigs on the island. I kissed her before she left and tried to channel good energy into her. I knew the trek North would be long enough for Nina to go over possible conversations, both good and bad, in her mind, and those sorts of periods can bring uncertain moods into the moments ahead. I hoped Hakee was in the mood to see her when she arrived, but I knew Nina was preparing for days or weeks of the cold shoulder, or worse. Hopefully, Kinnon would know how to play her part carefully so as not to make things worse, but also, to ensure her own feelings were part of the calculus.

Kate and I continued to work on the water system upgrades, with Bailey's help when she could break away from helping the other mothers, looking after Katie, and rushing through the drying of freshly caught fish. In the early afternoon, just as a light rain shower came through and helped to cool off the day, Popko arrived from the North and Takino was with him. I waved them over.

"G'day, Kal," Popko said with a smile.

"G'day," I repeated with a raised eyebrow.

Popko explained, "Gale is teaching me Australian."

"So you know G'day... what else?"

"Err," they young man paused, "G'arvo... that means 'good afternoon.' And Ta... that means 'thanks'."

I laughed. "I'm sure that's going to be very useful... one day."

Popko grinned. "Gale sends her regards and said to say that progress has been fantastic lately and she could spare two of us to come South."

"Good to see, and I admit, I'm happy to see you, Takino. You sure did fine work when you were here days ago."

The young man nodded, looking slightly pleased, "Thank you. I think I prefer this place to that in the North. The view there is something, but here... this is more comfortable, I think."

"Well, we'll see what we can do to keep you around here. Most everyone takes a turn or two in the North over the seasons, but some, such as Manu and Amu, possibly Gale and Tok as well, tend to really enjoy being up there."

"I don't mind either, so long as there's plenty to eat," Popko added, rubbing his belly.

"Well, why don't you two go ahead and jump on that stew. Bailey's had it going long enough it's probably ready. Then, while we've still got light left," I pointed to the large, freshly-dug holes and the assorted tools and supplies laid around us, "I'll get you up to speed on what you two can do to help out here."

The two young men dashed off to eat while Kate and I kept at the water system work. Before long, Popko and Takino were back and I had them immediately contributing. The process went much faster with four hands and by the time night had crept in, I was feeling we were finally on a good pace.

There was clearly a connection between Popko and Takino. Nothing too overt, to be sure, but I saw a casual friendliness between them, suggesting the two had, as Manu had told me, bonded tightly. It didn't hurt that Popko could understand Takino's attraction to men. I wondered what sort of relationship was forming between the two, and with Hunamu, as well. I hoped they'd avoided the issues currently being fought through by Nina, Hakee, and Kinnon.

Popko helped me stash our tools and supplies from the day's work as the others cleaned up around the fire and got ready to turn in for the night. There was a smile on the man's face the whole time, shining even as the darkness slid over the island. "You look like a man in a good place, Popko."

He looked at me with uncertainty. "This is so..."

"I mean... you seem to be in a really good mood," I explained, "better than usual."

"Ah," he said, "yes. It has been good to meet so many folks from my former home. Some I knew a bit before, others, they are new to me."

"And Takino?"

Popko's smile broadened. "Especially him, yes."

"So things are going well with you three? You and Hunamu and Takino?"

The young man nodded. "Very well. It's like he is a brother I've known all my life, in some ways. Well... not a brother, exactly..."

I chuckled. "Well, that's good to hear. I know you and Hunamu are close, just be sure the three of you continue to talk things out as this goes forward."

"Oh, for certain. We spent a great deal of time talking, the three of us. We are of like minds... on many things... I guess you know about Takino's preferences, then?"

I nodded, "Yes. We talked a bit, before he went North."

"Good. He was worried he might not find others who held his interests so closely. He was very surprised when Hunamu and I invited him to do more than talk with us..."

I slid the last of our heavy tools into the storage building and slapped Popko on the back. "Lucky man, he is. I like Takino. He's been a real asset so far, I hope that continues, and it won't hurt to have you and Hunamu to show him how accepted he is here."

"I will do my best," Popko replied, "and once more, I must thank you for everything, Kal. It is because of you that I am free to be myself."

"It's not just me, you know. It's everyone. It's a shame that you couldn't find such support from your kin in Uhonamona, but at least you have that here."

Popko nodded, closing the door on the storage building. "I am thankful for any such kindness."

I changed the subject. "I assume Nina gave you drilling assignments?"

He replied, "Yes. We start tomorrow. It worked well in the North, though I had little time to work with everyone. The newcomers need extra to learn things, so I focused on them. There's only Ekoh and Takino here South, so I will try to work them directly when the rest of the group isn't drilling."

I said, "Sounds good. Once we have this water project done, we'll want to start on the new defensive positions that Nina planned out. She left instructions. I'll need you to take the lead on those."

"I will do so," Popko assured me. He turned to watch where Takino was just sliding into the surf, barely visible thanks to the soon-to-be-covered cook fire.

"Go on," I told him with a smile, "I'll finish up the rest here. See you in the morning, Popko."

He took my arm and held it a moment, saying, "Thank you again, Kal. Good night to you."

It took a few more minutes to complete my tasks, and by the time I'd made my way down to the surf, I was the only one left outside the shelters except for Kate and Ekoh on watch. I finished quickly, then rinsed myself in the bath house. Inside my shelter, Keekah, Amy, Bailey, and the little ones were tucked into the bed and the crib, leaving just enough room along one side of the mattress for me.

I found I wasn't ready to sleep, so I crept in to the common shelter, grabbing marijuana and the thin, pressed leaves we were using to roll joints, then I sat down on the step looking out into the darkness. Stars were overhead and a partial moon gave additional light from the East. I lit the joint and leaned back against the wall of the shelter.

Behind me, I heard light footsteps and soon was joined by Mie. I offered her the joint. “Not sleepy?” I asked as she took it from me and inhaled.

“Sleepy, yeah. Just seeing who was still up. You okay?” the thirteen-year old asked me, passing back the joint.

“I'm fine. Just needed to wind down a bit before turning in. You still feeling alright?”

Mie nodded, leaning against my shoulder. “Yeah. Doing alright.”

We sat in silence a while, sharing the joint until it was down to an empty roach. I ground the remains into the sand near our feet. I stretched and yawned.

Mie's fingers slowly wrapped around my cock. “Horny?” she asked lightly.

“Always, but... I should probably go get some sleep. Doctor's orders.” I told her. It was rare for me to turn down sexual opportunities offered so freely, but my muscles felt tired and my body was not as ready to perform as I would have liked. Despite her slowly moving fingers, I remained limp.

“I can help you sleep. Just lean back,” Mie said, sliding down between my legs. She pumped a time or two then settled her thin lips around the head of my dick.

The warmth of the teen's mouth slid down my shaft and I groaned quietly in pleasure. I might not have been up to it moments earlier, but as soon as Mie began to suck me, my body responded and I grew rigid, her fingers wrapped around the base of my cock while her lips and tongue drew forth precum from the tip.

I closed my eyes and let the girl slowly show me a kindness. As always, it felt amazing. Mie's sexual abilities had matured quickly earlier in her life, and yet she continued to get better and better, offering me a slow, wet blowjob instead of a more insistent one. As if she knew just what I needed.

Long and slow strokes of her mouth combined with just enough motion from her fingers had me soon on the edge. “Gonna cum...” I moaned.

Mie purred, vibrations sending extra sensations through my groin. Her head bobbed, suction increasing slightly as she readied herself for my load. I moaned again, strained, running my hands along the back of her head, and semen began to boil out of my cock and into the thirteen-year old's mouth. I growled my pleasure as Mie sucked, the sperm pooling in her mouth as she slowed her movements and let me finish ejaculating against her tongue.

She swallowed, then pulled back, kissing the tip of my dick. Using her tongue carefully as my penis began to soften, Mie cleaned my length and then kissed my cock once more.

Pleasure was a warm blanket over me, the release so soft and wonderful. I pulled Mie to me and kissed her lips, the salty sperm I'd left inside still pungent and sticky in her mouth. “Can I return the favor?” I asked.

She shook her head, “No, thanks. That was for you.”

“Mmm...,” I moaned as I held her against my shoulder, “then I definitely owe you one.”

I felt her smile against me. “I'll remember that.”

I kissed her again and then she rose to her feet. “Sweet dreams, Kal,” she told me before returning inside.

I sat a moment, relaxed and tiring quickly. Sometimes on Phoenix, it was easy to know who would support you. Who would be there at the right time, with whatever you needed at that moment. And sometimes, someone like Mie was there, instead, offering exactly the right thing. I tried to be that person for everyone on the island, and I admitted it was really nice to be the one on the other end sometimes, getting a special treat just when it was most needed.

I let out a long sigh, then rose and headed to join my wives and children in our shelter.